"أبو البنات" والتفاصيل اليومية للعناية بأربع صغيرات

The wonders of modern technology. Why, oh why did I give my eldest an ipod touch? Yes, its great to stay in contact while im away but my inbox is now full of emoji based spam from my bored daughter. (The emoji poo is a firm favourite). Today while in meetings, I convinced her that because I'm 8 hours ahead of her (I.e. in the future), I could send her the lottery numbers and shes guarenteed to win as i already know the winning ones. Took her a while to figure out that wasn't actually the case, made me laugh though! FYI Yes I look shattered but I've been travelling for 22 hours so what do you expect!! #wecouldhavewonthelottery #remoteparenting #kidsandtechnology #whyalwaystheemojipoo #emojispam #workingaway #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Sep 27, 2016 at 8:40am PDT

Why does bathtime always involve cramming as many family members into one of the smallest rooms in the house at the same time? I guess the eldest 2 like it as it's like a cheap version of the sea life centre. They get to watch these weird pink slippery things splash about and generally contort themselves out of these chairs while sucking the life out of some sponges. Clemmie and I are there just play life guards and crowd control. I should charge admission. Just avoid the dirty nappies at the door and the water EVERYWHERE. Actually, forget it - Health and safety would definitely shut us done. #waterstaysinthebathgirls #bathtime #sealifecentreathome #cheapentertainment #twins #mygirls #theyneverstayinthesechairs #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 3, 2016 at 1:11pm PDT

Someone call crime watch! I took this picture of a guy getting mugged in broad day light today. The 2 confidence tricksters are known in the local area and ply their trade by pretending to love their victims and then, when their guard is down, scratching their faces to pieces, pulling their hair and dribbling on them until they are given milk or rice cakes. The suspects are described as looking exactly the same, to the degree that their father cant tell them apart. They are around 2.5 ft tall, talk with a strange accent and are incredibly cute. Some previous victims had said they smell like a childrens play centre toilets but that has yet to be confirmed. #muggedbybabies #twins #parentinginjuries #thelmaandlouiseinthemaking #callcrimewatch #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 6, 2016 at 1:17pm PDT

2nd weekend of furniture making and after a quick bathroom break, I returned to the work site to be confronted with 4 squatters who had taken up residence in the drawer section of the wardrobe. (This job is turning out to not be as quick as I told the boss lady). My work day was broken up on a fairly regular basis by being told I need to come and help stop the babies from munching on the contents of the veg rack. I was also forced to stop when @mother_of_daughters said she had to pop out for some essentials. She returned with a TK maxx bag containing a wok and candles. Ffs. #theseearenotessentials #diy #hidthevegrackinthetoilet #squatters #thisistakinglongerthanplanned #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 15, 2016 at 12:50pm PDT

This evening I took my girl gang for a walk to nowhere in particular so @mother_of_daughters could have some time on her own - not to clear up or to cook dinner for us, but to have a bath and paint her nails. Sometimes I forget that it can be full on at home with the girls - the pay is terrible (actually, non-existent, baby smiles don't count) and that she gets naff all time for herself. She's been using this @quilityapp and after taking its advice to take more time for herself, she genuinely seems calmer and more relaxed which is no bad thing for me, her and the little people that lodge in our house rent free. #ahappywifemeansahappylife #takesometimeforyourself #ididntpushthepramonce #girlgang #twins #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #ad #instadad #parenting

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 17, 2016 at 12:24pm PDT

Ottie's teething has made her as clingy as a winter cold and she refuses to be put down on the floor at the moment, so I'm doing everything with a 9 month old surgically grafted onto my chest. This includes baking (with mixed success - Her feet were just at the right height to kick the butter, the flour and my manhood, several times). I find it almost impossible not to take over and mix things properly but i must let them make a complete hash of it, so they learn too. I'm sure the cookies will taste fine and we can just pick out the egg shell. I'm also almost certain that no snot made it into the bowl either so that's a real a bonus. #shedbekickedoffbakeoff #snoteggcookiesummmmmm #ifindithardnottodoitforthem #backseatbaker #offtoabakesalewithyou #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 25, 2016 at 12:41pm PDT

Clemmie gave me a pretty simple job this evening - "go pack the baby bag" (we're going away for a night). A plan developed in my head (why can't I take anything seriously?!) I called her in - "well you said pack the baby bag!!", expecting a laugh. She didn't. I then suggested cutting holes in the bottom for their legs to hang out like those dog carriers but @mother_of_daughters was already less than pleased that i'd used her prized leather @kerikitbags for lols, so with my tail between my legs, I repacked. A shed load of nappies, baby crack (milk powder), toys they won't play with & a monitor - There was still enough room for half my family in there! #bottomlessbabybag #mobiletwins #howmuchstuffdobabiesneed #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 28, 2016 at 12:09pm PDT

Day 2 since the clocks changed and the girls are still not adjusted (anyone else struggling with this?!) So at 6.30am, while Ottie & Delilah studied 'farm yard biology for beginnners' with mixed success (I said point to the cow, they laughed, clapped & crawled off to chew stuff in the bin), Marnie provided me with a fluid stream of incomprehensible child brain rambling for 5 mins straight at max volume (without noticeably breathing). Morning voices seem not to exist in our house. All this while @mother_of_daughters hid in the shower. Clever woman. #leavethebinalone #hideintheshower #halfofwhatshesaidwerejustrandomwords #myearsarebleeding #morning #maxvolumetalking #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 1, 2016 at 1:28pm PDT

Should I get offended that when I'm in charge of dressing the girls, instead of being given free rein to 'get creative' and use my couture fashion eye to create a 'wow' outfit that will catch the eye and imagination, I walk into their room and find that all the clothes are laid out already. Granted I have a tendency to dress them as boys, and will invariably forget the importance of layers, and that spots and strips clash, and that socks are essential, and that a baby grow doesn't count as day wear, and that I dress them the same, i cant tell them apart for the rest if the day, but surely if you give me a chance, the law of averages will mean I'll get it right one day! #daddressing #twins #dontdressthemthesame #theylovechewingshoes #icandressachild #badly #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 3, 2016 at 2:18pm PDT

Cooking with the family is important so that they get an early interest in what healthy eating is all about. But when you add two 10 month work experience kitchen hands to the mix who have minimum training and hygiene standards that would get a greasy kebab placed closed down, Jamie Olivers 15 minutes meals turn into Simon hooper's 90 minute botch jobs. In the end you just chuck it all in and hope for the best. The likelihood is that it will get rejected by the discerning clientele anyway. Might as well just short cut the whole process and chuck the raw food directly into the bin. #masterchefiaint #sausageandchipsitis #worstworkexperienceever #ottieatearawgarlicwhole #whydowebother #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 14, 2016 at 1:32pm PST

I seem to forget to feed myself sometimes. I can get to 5pm and realise I've had nothing other than a cup of tea that's been microwaved 5 times and has a skin on it that's thicker than I feel after watching a documentary of dark matter. The twins, on the other hand, get 3 square meals a day spooned directly into their mouths. I tried crouching between them in the hope @mother_of_daughters would feed me too (FYI I don't have tiny arms) although I was rumbled by Delilah who kicked up a fuss. They have absolutely zero loyalty or compassion for me. Get between these girls & their food and you may just lose a finger. #noidonthavetinyarms #foodoverfathers #arewefeeders #theydontsharefood #nowonderimlosingweight #microwavetea #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 13, 2016 at 1:01pm PST

Tomorrow is international day of the girl and I, more than most, am celebrating. I might be heavily outnumbered and outgunned, but I'm celebrating because my girls are strong independent young ladies that are growing up in a world that they can do anything they put their mind to (with a little encouragement). We strive for equality and see women as equals (and in my case, as superiors!). That said, in many places girls are seen as second class citizens and have limited opportunities to reach their full potential. This has to change. Go kiss your girls goodnight & encourage them everyday to reach for the stars. Tag a strong girl and share. #mygirlswearthetrousers #daughters #dayofthegirl #girlsareequals #girlsarestrong #sisters #mygirls #girlsareamazing #beproudofyoudaughters #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

A photo posted by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 10, 2016 at 12:39pm PDT